First batch of fake tan shots.

Official new headshot for my CV.


Amy on the dance floor.


"Um... like.. who the fuck is that, and what the fuck is she, like, wearing?"


"Thats's not a hole in the wall... that's Rollergirl."


Possible Veronica's album cover #1


Possible Veronica's album cover #2


Two like, anorexic bitches who came to like, steal Cam.. or something? Fat moles.


Just another shot from Friday night dinner... how did this get in amongst the party shots?


More to come over the next few days...

Family love indeed.

Look at the photos my cousin Patrick put up on his myspace profile after our 25th bithday last night.

Bless!!



...I also LOVE the emo shot.



granny would be so proud.

A most troubling sequence of events.

1. Use Veet Pre Wax Spray to prepare the skin for more comfortable waxing.

2. Apply Veet Pre Wax Spray over the area you wish to wax.

3. For bikini area, spray onto a cotton pad and apply onto the skin.

4. DO NOT USE ON PERIANAL OR GENITAL AREAS! EMMA, THIS MEANS YOU! DO NOT SPRAY DIERECTLY INTO YOUR OWN GENITALS!

5. Consult your mortician.

An Etymological Challenge.

Amongst the company I keep, the term ‘frantically masturbating’ comes up quite often in conversation. Despite the frequency of its repetition, I cannot for the life of me remember where this originated. I’m sure it’s from TV or a movie - but which one? Typing ‘frantically masturbating’ into Google yields nothing more than a disturbing amount of first hand accounts of some good old fashioned, no-holds-barred frantic masturbation… so I’m fresh out of ideas.

So I put this challenge out there folks – tell me where it came from, and I’ll release the uncensored version of this



An image we ALL frantically masturbated over in 1994.

Ta!

Word up, homeslices...

Dear baby Jesus,

A few months ago, you sent down a rumour from heaven that Icehouse would be playing at the Big Day Out 2007. Since that day I have sat here patiently in prayer waiting for your confirmation of this biblical event. I have been diligently checking both the heavenly gossip forums and the official BDO website on a daily basis, lest I receive any bad tidings. I even began studying again the sacred Smash hits magazine Icehouse scriptures that I found in a box in mum and dad's shed marked ‘Emma's bedroom crap’, words that the great prophets wrote with your guidance back in 1987AD. Words that still guide my passage here on earth to this day.

Your holiness, let it be known that I am willing to sacrifice both my place in Heaven and my entire back catalogue of Bruce Hornsby records in exchange for just one five song set (and possibly two encores) that would include (but not be limited to) ‘Electric Blue’, ‘Crazy’ and ‘I Can’t Help Myself’. I also pray that the ghostly spectre of Iva Davies will be appearing in a similar fashion to this…



…and not at all like this.



As sure as the world is flat and that Charles Darwin is the devil himself, I believe that in addition to serving you tirelessly, I was placed here on earth to attend at least one Icehouse concert.

All I ask is that you answer my prayers.

Yours and committed to the Harvest,


FEMBOTanist.

"Admittedly, that conversation was a little one-sided due to the ball gag."

I Can't Stop Thinking About The Foreign-Policy Discussion We Had In The Shower Yesterday

Some polite English humour...

Starring that person now referred to as 'House'.

I found him sexy first, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay before you did, you fat anorexic bitch.

I KNEW IT!!!

Since 1986 I’ve been thinking that the backing vocalist on Steve Winwood’s “Back in the High Life Again” sounded just like James Taylor… turns out IT IS JAMES TAYLOR!!! AMAZING!!!

P.S.why can't I be part of this rockin' posse with JT and Bonnie Raitt? I guess we'll never know...

Blue shadows...

I know four minutes and twenty seconds is a large time investment for a youtube video, but being midnight on a friday, you probably don't have much else on right now.

This is so delightful in so many ways...The Three Amigos is such a great film. Watch out for the owl...awwwwwwwww.

Goodnight my pretties.

Acid + Base = salt + H2Whoa.

You know those moments, when you like, create all this Hydrofluoric acid waste and have to make it like, pH neutral before you tip it down the sink and then like, you don’t do a titration or anything, and just like, throw in some random amount of Sodium Hydroxide and then its like, ph 7 when you test it with indicator tape?

Well it just happened to me then.

Winner.

Dude... I wish you played for Carlton so my dad would let me marry you.

*sigh*

Let focus on the cyclists, and not the cunts in monster trucks...

Man, The Age keeps pumping out the gold today.

I love it.

Whatever happens, dont reward four wheel drivers for not squishing pushbike riding hippies in their bull bars, for like, one day.

And now for something completely unfunny...

Check out this classy article from The Age today.

The fact that we read about the stolen radios and computers before a brief mention of the rape of a woman at another Solomons mission speaks volumes about some members of the Australian media's attitute towards sexual assualt.

Was it because she was working at a Seventh Day Adventist mission perhaps?

Disgraceful.