STOP PRESS

FOR A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME I ALMOST THOUGHT THAT JEFF LYNNE WAS KILLED BY A HAY BAIL.

Well, the headline read ‘Founding Member of ELO Killed by Giant Hay Bail’, so you can see how I might have momentarily thought it was everyone’s favourite composer, lead vocalist and guitarist from ELO.

It turns out it was just everyone’s favourite electric cellist from ELO, though most people wouldn’t even know his name. I won’t do him the disrespect of Googling what his name was right now so I can tell you – nor will I show him the respect of actually knowing his name in the first place.

So after drying my tear-wrapped eyes, and feeling more than slightly glad that I would not have to report the news of yet another Traveling Wilbury’s untimely death to Father, I started to ponder what it all meant.

If the electric cellist from THE WORLD’S GREATEST SYMPHONIC ROCK BAND can be killed instantly whilst driving along, MINDING HIS OWN BUSINESS on a quiet country road, what does the world have in store for mere mortals such as you or me?

Should he not have been killed in a manner befitting of his awesome talent?

Should he not have been electrocuted on stage at an outdoor concert whilst playing the opening solo for ‘Livin’ Thing’, completely unaware of the rain puddle forming beneath his feet that gradually lapped closer and closer to the worn power cord of his electrified violoncello?

Conversely, I ask you this, dear reader: who out there has lived a life befitting of instant death by an errant hay bail?

Answer: Glenn Beck.

What a clint.

FIN