Did I ever know that I'm my hero?
I’ve done it.
Conquered my Everest.
Walked the Kokoda track.
This morning at 9.25AM, E. Lewis set out on her bicycle from Westmeadows, and two hours later pulled up to a standing ovation (complete bewilderment) at Blue zone café, University of Melbourne.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am BIKESEXUAL.
After an arduous twenty five-kilometre slog, I have now fulfilled another goal that that I set out to achieve after enrolling at university at the turn of the millennium. The silly part is, it took over six years for me to get off my bum and do it, and it wasn’t even that hard!!
Mind you, I was moving pretty slow. This lady likes to take in the plethora of sights and sounds on the Moonee Ponds Creek trail. Perhaps I’ll stop by the fetid stench pool in Broadmeadows and wet my whistle, or find a nice patch of dog shit to ride through in Strathmore so that Stu can get it on his hands when he locks up my bike, and then James can get it all over his car after I forget to tell him about it when he picked me up.
Anything could happen on my bike ride.
I discussed my riding technique with James over a well-earned Japanese dinner tonight, and we came to the realisation that if I wanted to move any quicker, I would have to actually lift my bum of the seat when peddling. I don’t know why I have such an aversion to standing up and pumping those pedals - I guess I’m just a car driver at heart. I sit on my bike like I sit on the toilet – it’s a comfort thing. I suppose the downside is that instead of having rock hard thighs and a sexy bum, I’ll end up with huge triangular quadriceps and be stuck permanently with my thighs at right angles to my shins, forever moving from herbarium to laboratory like a Thunderbird.
Oh, and just in case anyone was concerned that I did a good thing today, RELAX. To make up for the carbon emissions I didn’t release by driving today, I will be filling my car with anvils and circling my block for five hours tomorrow, just because I Am A Car Owning Cunt And I Can Do Whatever The Fuck I want.
I just hope there aren’t any of those lefty, pinko cyclists to get in my fucking way when I do it.
Photograph of me somewhere between the Western ring road underpass and Strathmore footy club.
Conquered my Everest.
Walked the Kokoda track.
This morning at 9.25AM, E. Lewis set out on her bicycle from Westmeadows, and two hours later pulled up to a standing ovation (complete bewilderment) at Blue zone café, University of Melbourne.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am BIKESEXUAL.
After an arduous twenty five-kilometre slog, I have now fulfilled another goal that that I set out to achieve after enrolling at university at the turn of the millennium. The silly part is, it took over six years for me to get off my bum and do it, and it wasn’t even that hard!!
Mind you, I was moving pretty slow. This lady likes to take in the plethora of sights and sounds on the Moonee Ponds Creek trail. Perhaps I’ll stop by the fetid stench pool in Broadmeadows and wet my whistle, or find a nice patch of dog shit to ride through in Strathmore so that Stu can get it on his hands when he locks up my bike, and then James can get it all over his car after I forget to tell him about it when he picked me up.
Anything could happen on my bike ride.
I discussed my riding technique with James over a well-earned Japanese dinner tonight, and we came to the realisation that if I wanted to move any quicker, I would have to actually lift my bum of the seat when peddling. I don’t know why I have such an aversion to standing up and pumping those pedals - I guess I’m just a car driver at heart. I sit on my bike like I sit on the toilet – it’s a comfort thing. I suppose the downside is that instead of having rock hard thighs and a sexy bum, I’ll end up with huge triangular quadriceps and be stuck permanently with my thighs at right angles to my shins, forever moving from herbarium to laboratory like a Thunderbird.
Oh, and just in case anyone was concerned that I did a good thing today, RELAX. To make up for the carbon emissions I didn’t release by driving today, I will be filling my car with anvils and circling my block for five hours tomorrow, just because I Am A Car Owning Cunt And I Can Do Whatever The Fuck I want.
I just hope there aren’t any of those lefty, pinko cyclists to get in my fucking way when I do it.
Photograph of me somewhere between the Western ring road underpass and Strathmore footy club.
posted by FEMBOTanist at Wednesday, June 21, 2006
5 Comments:
I can still smell it.
Pfew.
That was close.
I just nearly created my own blog - and it's all your fault FemBotanist.
While busily doing the rounds of blogs which have somehow become part of my life (not looking at anyone) I realised from the new posts and comments going up all around me that EVERYONE ELSE WAS DOING THE SAME THING, AT THE SAME TIME.
I briefly flashed back to highschool and nearkt started doing it before anyone noticed I wasn't doing it yet... but I've come to my senses.
So I shall have no blog, but touch every blog.
You may call me The Blog Whisperer.
Sweet Jesus you are crazy, 2 hours of bike riding! I'm tired just reading about it!
Man, the whole experience would have been funnier if I'd actually heard you scream "I'm BikeSexual" as you rode up. As it was, I thought it was hillarious that you were simply ringing that stupd bell...
how's your sweet, sweet can now?
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